Movie Quotes....

  • Data, data, data. I cannot make bricks without clay. -- Sherlock Holmes
  • At the temple, there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read Loss, only feel it. -- Memoirs of a Geisha
  • Skadoosh -- Kung Fu Panda 1 & 2

Saturday, July 28, 2012

randomness and the fact that I'm still alive

I'm still here... just not really posting lately. Sorry everyone, just bear with me while I try and sort it all out

I'm not really sure how this is all going to come out sounding. I'm sorry ahead of time.

It's official, we're approved to buy a house and set to sign papers this next week. (Thank the goddess for small miracles and huge amounts of faith!!!) The house is still here in Brigham and we're only moving down the road a piece, but right now with everything going on, I'm not posting the exact location.

I'm in the middle of packing hell, anyone wanting to come help, is more than welcome, and since I'm not employed at the moment... I'll be here all week loading boxes and getting ready to move them. (still trying to decide if I want to do it all in one weekend or just a few here and there and get it taken care of slowly w/o killing myself)

I'm also, kinda, looking for another place to work (obviously). Somewhere close to home and less travel time, but am willing to consider other options... if the pay is good.

The ex was arrested again... this time he's not going to get out until the court case in August...and I was accused of being the mastermind (OK, so Giggles and I were accused of this) behind this latest arrest and the charges that were brought on.

I'm dealing with some serious "could I have changed that outcome" feelings and "why didn't I try harder to keep my kids children from being hurt" issues... I realize that I couldn't change this, there was no way in HELL that I forced him to do these things, nor did I threaten him to change so drastically from when I married him. But I'm still dealing with these issues.

I've recently been accused of being too dramatic and negative... by a few different people... and now I'm really looking at my life and wondering if there is a way to change those aspects of my life. I have so much on my plate right now that I'm thinking it's so not possible that I may just become a hermit and a recluse to avoid anymore accusations and additions to my overflowing dish. (Yes, I realize that is not possible, I'm not the type to hide away, even if I do hide all my feelings. But it's a good idea in theory.)

WOW! I seem to be really self-centered in this particular missive. When did I become that way?! Have I always been so?! (don't answer that, I really didn't want to know the answer, I was just asking rhetorically.)

Recently Yesterday, B and I were being silly and talking ( this comes from one of those too dramatic/negative comments) about losing each other... and I asked him what he would do if I were no longer a part of his life... He told me that I was stuck with him for the next 300 years because he planned on living his life forever and I was the other half to his heart. (He also mentioned that if there was something that ever happened to "us" and I was no longer there... he would end his own life... I am that important to him!)
Last night, he asked me the same question... I love that man dearly and I told him so, but if there were something that separated us permanently, it would kill me inside, but I've got 2 kids to think of, and I would have to continue living for them, if nothing else. (What I'm not saying in that last sentence is... I would become a raging alcoholic, a bitch of epic proportions, contemplate all the sharp knives in my house and using them,  and wouldn't be able to function properly without him!!) So, I guess he's stuck with me too... Aren't we both lucky??

This is such a weird post for me... I usually have something that has set me off and I need to get it all off my chest and work it all out, but this time around, I'm just getting it all on "paper" and out of my mind.

Nothing but randomness and rambling here folks. Maybe next time.


1 comment:

  1. Hey did y'all read that....I'm stuck with a mastermind!!! Bwahahahaha

    ReplyDelete